Hybrid Theory
by FerrisBuellerLovesMe
Summary: It's senior year at Forks for Bella and after a meticulous plan and an accident that could kill, will she and Edward be able to make it or will death ruin their relationship forever?
1. Papercut: Part I

A/N: Though following a set up by the Linkin Park _Hybrid Theory_ cd, this is NOT a song fic. Quotes from the song will be used as an introduction to the chapter, but the chapters are not strictly limited to the song lyrics. My friend Fiona gave me the idea- and the book- so I hope you like it.

Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns all these characters. I'm not cool enough to think them up. She was even cool enough to put two Linkin Park songs on the play list she made for _Twilight_ (hence how I got the idea to use the CD). Linkin Park owns the story and chapter titles... and the lyrics before each chapter.

1. PAPERCUT

_It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back_

_It's like a whirlwind inside of my head_

_It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within_

_It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin_

_The sun goes down_

_I feel the light betray me_

I could see myself staring back at me, except I was years younger. I was twelve actually. There was California sun all about me as my mother tousled my hair, laughing lightly in relief. "Bella? Bella?"

Then the screen turned blue and I realized it wasn't just a silly memory; it was a tape, a family movie. I turned slowly and he walked toward me, quite close.

"Sorry about that, Bella, but isn't it better that your mother didn't really have to be involved in all this?"

I couldn't help myself- I tried to run. It didn't work. He walked toward me slowly. _No, no, no._ He was over me, his foot stepping down hard my leg. I heard a sickening snap before I felt it. And then something smashed into my face, throwing me back into the mirrors. I could see, through the long tunnels my eyes had become, his dark shape coming toward me... with my last effort, my hand instinctively raised to protect my face...

"Bella? Bella!"

My eyes opened wide and I shot straight upward. My heart had to beating faster than normal, even normal for me. A cool protective shell wrapped around me suddenly as I tried to settle my breathing as well. I didn't question the cold or how it was in the shape of a human. I knew it was Edward without even having to look at him.

Without thinking, I moved to wrap my arms around Edward's neck, breathing hard into his neck. I wasn't going to cry. It had been months since my almost death and I wasn't going to let him- James, the hunter, the one who tried to kill me, drink me- get to me. Edward pulled me into his lap protectively.

He hadn't left my side since the attack. Just like he promised.

"You were having the dream again." His perfect, velvet voice soothing me. I nodded though it wasn't necessary. I didn't even have to tell him about the dreams. As he sat in the rocking chair every night, he heard my sleep induced mummers.

"Don't leave," I commanded breathlessly. His grip around me became tighter; I could feel his lips in my hair subtly.

"I wasn't planning on it," he stated. I took a few more deep breaths and unburied my face. As tough as I tried to seem, that dream was still haunting me. If Edward had been any other boy I probably would have never told him about my nightmares.

My eyes glanced to his, a darker honey brown than normal. It was time for his hiking trip soon, most likely this weekend. It stung my heart so badly I had to look away. Luckily the digital clock on my bedside table made the glance away less obvious and readable.

It was five am. Early enough to get ready for school, but I knew then I would have to speak to Charlie. Of course things were better. I had even gone fishing with him once over the summer, but he was still quieter than usual. I knew it was because of what I said so many months ago.

Summer had passed. Even in Forks it stayed cloudy if not misting. It made those few days Edward and I could sneak off to his little meadow something to cherish. And now I sound like a sap.

"I should get ready for school," I noted and there was a soft laugh to Edward's voice. He knew the time without having to look- and he knew I hated having to get up any earlier than I had to.

"What? I'm excited for school," I lied to him. His smirk grew; he didn't buy it and neither could I. Senior year. Help me please.

"Mmm, yes, maybe you should call Jessica and suggest matching outfits even," he laughed at me. I glared at him. He was so stuck up sometimes. Lucky for him, I still loved him.

"The only person I match with is you," I grinned and untangled myself from his arms. He leaned back on my bed watching me busy myself with my clothing. It was too dark to see the weather today yet, but as I looked out the window the leaves on the tree outside shifted, causing a shiver to run up my back.

I realized then that I was cold not just from Edward's body, but the thin layer of sweat that had accumulated during my sleep. Pressing my eyes closed I could just see his face in the mirror, the dark gleam of his teeth, no longer able to resist. Yet another shiver shout down my back and I reached for the hem of my shirt ready to get rid of the damp garment.

Suddenly there were cold hands firmly atop of mine. "Don't."

"I-" I started to explain myself, but I couldn't remember. I wasn't thinking. It had been three? Four months since he first kissed me? I wasn't sure, but since then I never had revealed any skin to him besides my kaki skirt. It was probably for the best; I still got lightheaded and my heart would still race when he leaned in to kiss me.

However, I bit my lip worriedly. Ever since... since the attack... he had been a bit more protective of me with him. Of course there were times he held me, let me touch him, just as I had after my nightmare, but I had begun to notice he no longer touched me as intimately. Nothing like in the meadow the first time I saw him in the sun.

"Bella, don't worry, I love you," came like silk from his lips, making a lopsided smile appear on my face. "It's just safer for you to change in the bathroom," I sighed. Always safer. I was getting being just safe with him. Truthfully, my hormones were out of control, but I didn't let him know that. His ego didn't need to be inflated by my reminding him of how beautiful he was.

"If Charlie came in, I'd be too entranced by your skin," his cool lips were on my neck, his hands still on my hips, "to leave." He caught me there. A soft shiver ran down my back. I could feel his smirk on my skin causing my cheeks to rise in color.

"Okay," I nodded and he released me from his embrace. My body felt heavier and I just noticed he had been holding me off the ground just so slightly. I grabbed a shirt and jeans from my dresser, but when I turned around I noticed Edward was gone.

This was how it had been for the past few months of summer. Edward would spend the night and leave once I was awake, then when it was of decent time he would show up on my doorstep knocking. Sometimes he was accompanied with his brothers or sisters- usually only Alice- and we would go out for a day of something that I never thought possible.

I dressed in my room, a black V-neck sweater with a white tank top underneath to reduce cleavage and a pair of dark jeans, before going to the bathroom to fix my hair, brush my teeth, and all those human things Edward usually chuckled about. He may tell me I'm beautiful, but I'm pretty sure everyone else will mind if my hair looks like a haystack or not.

As I walked down the stairs slowly, I could hear Charlie in the kitchen. I wanted to escape him this morning, but it didn't look that way as the stair squeak with my arrival.

"Bella, you're up!" he smiled walking to me with his arms open in a hug. I had to try and not back away from this unusual greeting. "I was trying to get breakfast together for you, maybe surprise you in bed," he pouted and it made my heart soften for him like always.

"Really Dad, I'd be late if you did that," I bit my lip. Breakfast in bed? That never happened.

"You could have been a little late," he smiled. I looked at him suspiciously. That never happened either. "It is your birthday you know."

There was a sudden knock on the door. I cringed. He heard. I could almost hear his smirk from behind the door as Charlie went to go answer it. I grabbed my bag and raincoat, racing to the front door before Charlie had a chance to invite Edward inside.

"Bye Dad, I'll see you tonight for dinner," I rushed out the door and to the car before my dad could answer. I could hear Edward chuckle as I fumbled with the door handle trying to get the silver Volvo open.

"So its you're birthday today?" Edward grinned as he sidestepped me and opened the door flawlessly. His perfection may be beautiful, but it was moments like this it was annoying. I didn't answer, but my huff of annoyance as I scrambled into his car was enough.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked as he started the car. I blinked and looked out the window quickly. I don't think I'll ever get used to his speed- walking, running, or driving wise. I blinked again and we were speeding away. I rushed to put on my seatbelt.

"I did, remember, during one of those rounds of twenty questions," I lied again. He had asked when my birthday was, and I distracted him. I knew I wouldn't get away with this lie. He had an amazing memory. It wasn't good for my immediate health some days. Especially when he remembered the exact spot on my neck that caused my knees to lock and myself to fall forward when his cold lips pressed upon it.

"No, I believe you conveniently didn't answer that one," he growled, his eyes glaring at me from across the seat. It was moments like these I didn't understand why I wasn't in a mental institution. I knew for a fact my boyfriend was a vampire and when he looked at me I should be scared he was about to kill me, but no, I was scared he was upset by my lie... and that would cause him to run us into a tree.

"Oops," I shrugged like it was no big deal. I hadn't told anyone actually. If you were me, you'd know why.

"Bella..." he growled again and I gave an over dramatic sigh.

"Okay, yes I didn't tell you, but I have my reasons. I don't like my birthday." I crossed my arms as if the subject was closed for further discussion. However, the gleam in his honey brown eyes told me it wasn't. I got him interested. Damn.

"Why's that?"

"What's today Edward?" I sighed looking out the window. It was raining. I suddenly wondered why we never hydroplaned like those driving school classes had all warned me about.

"September thirteenth," he grinned, "your birthday." I cringed.

"No, the day as in day of the week," I helped sort him out, still refusing to look over him. I could feel his smirk.

"Are you telling me that you aren't scared to be alone in a room of vampires, but you're afraid of some silly superstition about the conjoining of Friday's and the number thirteen?" he asked. His lips were right by my ear I could smell his voice. It was soft and heavenly. If I hadn't been sitting at the moment I would probably have been in the next few seconds.

My cheeks burned a raw red and I felt his cold nose against my blushing skin. "Edward- watch the! - Oh," I stopped looking up. We were already in his usual parking spot. I told you I would never get used to his speed. He chuckled, not moving as I sunk into my seat. I felt my heart beat increase rapidly and the smirk on his lips told me he heard it as well.

I blushed as some kids walked by, ones I knew- then again, I knew everyone at this school. However, these kids I really did know. There was a soft 'aww' and a whistle causing me to quickly unbuckle my seatbelt and scramble out of the car, almost denting my neighbor's car with the door.

"Staying out of trouble?" Mike smiled as I straightened myself out. He still wasn't fond of Edward, but his unsoundness had turned from Edward being his enemy to Mike acting like my big brother. This was, of course, because Mike's girlfriend Jessica finally taking up his heart.

Edward's arm laced around my waist. "Less trouble then you and Jessica get in," he smiled slyly and gave me a little push to start walking forward. I couldn't help blushing for them, and then giving Edward a nice little elbow to his near marble stomach.

"That's not very fair you know!" I hissed at him. He knew exactly what I meant too; his little listening skills.

"It was completely fair," he shot back smiling. I had never seen him smile this much in school before, but I was informed this was the first school in a few hundred years Edward began happily. Esme was also kind enough to explain it was because of me. I've begun to realize the entire Cullen family enjoyed watching me blush.

"Well it wasn't nice at least," I sniffed. Jessica and Mike were walking behind us. They said their goodbyes and Jessica was waiting for me so we could go into Pre-calc together.

"Of course it was nice. Do you want to see something not nice?" he grinned. I glared at him, daring him to even say it.

"I'll see you after class love, happy birthday," he said, just loud enough for Jessica to hear. I glared at Edward as he kissed my cheek before leaving. As soon as he was out of earshot- or what Jessica though far enough- she squealed.

"It's your birthday? Why didn't you tell me!"

I groaned. If he weren't invincible I would so kill him for that.

The entire morning the news of my birthday spread, and by lunch, just about the entire school knew it was my birthday. No one seemed to notice it was Friday the thirteenth though. Well, everyone but the Cullen family who were inconspicuously more alert than normal.

"Happy Birthday," Alice grinned at me as I sat down. I sent an angry glare at Edward who pretended not to notice. I was the only person to ever sit at the Cullen table who was not part of the immediate family. I was also the only human to have ever sat there, but I was sure only the six of us knew that.

"What are you planning to do to celebrate?" Jasper asked with a crooked smile. I sensed they were doing Edward's dirty work for him as I took a loud, sickening crunch from a red apple.

"I'm staying home," I spoke towards Edward. A barely noticeable smile laced on his lips though to anyone else it would look as if he was speaking in a whisper to Emmett. To my horror, I swear I heard the word 'party.'

I really would find a way to kill him if he threw me a party. I don't think I threw a birthday party since I was eight and it was a princess theme. When girls started growing and maturing, I seemed to have lost even my closet friends. Those made parties just seem awkward and uninviting. I wasn't going to plan a party now, even if I did have friends.

"It's not me, its Jessica," Edward nodded towards Jessica who sat behind me. When I turned she stopped abruptly talking, making me fume. Edward grinned, "A surprise one at that."

"I don't want to go, give me an excuse not to," I pleaded with him. My unwillingness to go to my own birthday party caused him to get one of those half-smile grins that forewarned me of a day of his questions and my answers. I intrigued him and interested him once again.

"Jasper and I are going hiking," he bit his lip and I noticed for the second time today his eyes were turning darker. It reminded me not to anger him. My eyes drifted towards Jasper and I shivered. It reminded me to never get anger him as well.

"Even if you were in town, that wouldn't be an excuse not to go," I reminded Edward dryly causing his marble face to crack with laughter. I rolled my eyes.

"Just remember to not accept any slumber party invitations for this Saturday," he grinned back at me, nudging his plate of food towards me. In the avoidance of my birthday woes, I had forgotten to eat and the bell was rather close to ringing.

"Oh yes, because I want everyone to hear my sleep talking," I noted sarcastically, stuffing food into my mouth.

"Only me," his smile was beautiful, soft like an angel, causing him to glow even. He was doing it again, the dazzling. I blushed a bright red and heard a soft giggle from my side where Alice sat, but when I turned she was gone. They were all gone, besides Edward.

"Yes, but you never asked for permission to begin with," I chortled back, picking up my try and in seconds his arms around me, him carrying the tray, and disposing it before walking me off to my next class.

He laughed as we entered Chemistry together, his lips slipping down to my ear, letting me in on his inside joke. "Jessica's jealous that Mike doesn't carry her books for her."

I looked down and noticed he had slipped my books into my hands without me noticing. It wasn't hard; I was too wrapped up in walking without collapsing from his touch. I threw him a glance and snatched my books from him, playfully hitting him with them. "Stop being so perfect. It makes us normal clumsy people feel inadequate," I laughed.

"Normal clumsy people? That wouldn't happen to include you would it?" he teased right back.

"Actually no, it wouldn't because according to you I'm beautiful," I blushed even though I was the one saying it.

"Beautiful only begins it." He made me blush harder and himself chuckle.

"And, since I got my cast off, I've barely fallen." I reminded him. He smirked, a honey brown hinting at his eyes.

"Only in the forest," he grinned as the teacher walked in front of the class.

"I blame the green," I muttered. From my side, I could hear a soft chuckle that I was sure no one else could.


	2. Papercut: Part II

A/N: I hope you are enjoying this fiction. More will happen as it goes on, I promise. As I was writing last night I found that my ideas for chapters are incredibly long, so this is part two of chapter one. I don't know if there will be a part three yet. I figured updating the chapter in parts would allow you to not have to wait as long between updates.

Also sorry they are not as frequent as I hoped. School has been killing me, but only twenty more days left do you have nothing to worry about! Just to let you know, this weekend I'm heading to Oregon to look at a college- this is why this part contains Oregon in it- so the next update my not be until sometime next week.

Disclaimer: S. Meyer asked me one day about my favorite book. I told her _Harry Potter_. With an eye roll she went and wrote _Twilight_ to prove that I need to write fanfiction about Bella and Edward too. Linkin Park owns the lyrics, title, etc. I basically own... nothing.

1. PAPERCUT

PART II

_A face that awakes when I close my eyes_

_A face watches every time I lie_

_A face that laughs every time I fall_

_And watches everything_

There were more and more people greeting me a happy birthday as the day went on. Every time someone uttered those two words, I grew a bit angrier. Every time Edward laughed. He thought my hatred of my birthday was irrational and immature. I could see it in his eyes and then when we were driving home he called me on it.

"So why do you hate your birthday?" Edward pointed out, driving without looking at the road once more. Instead his cinnamon brown eyes were focused on me and my fidgeting. I pulled on my hair causing it to cover my face as I looked out my window.

"Good things just never happen on my birthday," I told him. I noticed we weren't on the way to my house. "Where are we going?"

"A surprise," he grinned, "what type of things?"

I hid once again. It was funny that even though we asked each other so many questions, we still had more and more stored up. It was as if every question created two more new ones. And a surprise? Oh no.

"Charlie is expecting me for dinner."

"No he's not, I called him and told him I was taking you out somewhere nice for your birthday," Edward talked to the veil that was my hair. "Now what type of things?"

"There's no where nice here in Forks. Really, I'm okay with making dinner tonight," I turned to fight back. A low growl came from the back of his perfect throat from my avoidance of his question. I gulped, but didn't flinch as I remembered he was just as hungry as I was.

It wasn't that I was scared he would hurt me, kill me. He would never do that. I could feel it when he held me at night, soothing away my bad dreams and allowing me to regain my breath. It was in the way he smiled when he kissed me. He wasn't going to hurt me, but I still knew what happened when he got angry and would rather like to avoid it on a day like today.

"Answer the question Bella," he stated flatly, making me burn in anger at myself for always giving in to him. It was his fault, his perfection, but still, you would think I had discovered some restraint during the relationship. Truthfully, I found myself having less and less. It was torture to not kiss back.

I gave a sigh of annoyance and felt the car swerve. Shooting a glare over at Edward I knew he did it purposely to shake me.

"Fine!" I surrendered, "When I was three, I broke my leg on a trampoline. When I was eight, I only two out of sixteen girls showed to my party. I stopped having parties then, but the days just got worse. Charlie forgetting, my mother working over time or going on a date."

Edward was quite as he took it all in. I somewhat noticed we were no longer in Forks. I refused to glance over at the speedometer, but I had a feeling it was cruising well over a hundred miles per hour. His flawless face set in stone as in processed this new information; he was still as stone.

"What about last year." It wasn't a question. He wanted to know. I bit my lip and glanced out the window again, noting we were on a freeway. The cars moving around us never seemed to notice when he cut them off or even change speed for the silver Volvo we were in.

"Last year I decided to move here," I said glumly. It wasn't that I still hated Forks, I was actually beginning to like it, it was just the memories of the sun, my mom, and large school still occasionally haunted me. There was a hurt in my voice I was sure Edward could hear.

"Bella..." he voice had softened and I felt his fingers in my hair, tucking it softly behind my ear, the soft coolness barely touching my skin. I turned giving him a soft smile. Coming to Forks had some good points, like meeting Edward. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," I laughed lightly, slowly moving my hand to his cheek, "you're what makes it worth while."

"Ahh yes, your vampire lover," he laughed, his eyes sparkling with his ultra white teeth.

"I like to think you as my guardian angel instead," I made him smile even wider. It was beautiful, dazzling, it made my heart stop knowing I was the one to make him smile like that. I blushed so hard I turned to the window again, the ground underneath us still moving. We were moving too fast for me to figure out any landmarks- but then again trees were never good landmarks to begin with.

"Where are you taking me?" I asked. I got no answer except the curl of a smirk. "Okay, if you're not going to tell me, can you at least tell me how you got Charlie to okay this?"

"He's going to be late, some trouble in town. Local kids protesting something," Edward grinned when I turned to stare at him incredulously.

"What did you do?" I asked, meaning it. Edward, however, smiled like it was inside joke and disregarded my seriousness.

"I didn't do anything," he smiled. I knew he wouldn't lie, but studied his face anyways.

"Jasper."

"Not him exactly," there was a soft stop in the car and we were perfectly parallel parked. I still had no idea where we were. "More like his abilities..."

I groaned, thinking of all the work Charlie would have to do, how his weekend might just be ruined. There was a soft breeze and I realized Edward was already opening my door for me, holding out his hand for me to take. Grimly I let him pull me from the car and guide me into a store.

Once inside, the smell of old books and dust caught in my nostrils. My eyes suddenly started having fits as I took in the most books I had ever seen. Since it was near twilight, only a few people littered the large bookstore. However, it was no chain bookstore.

"One full city block, three stories high, any book you think of- they have it," Edward whispered into my ear. It suddenly hit me where we were- Powell's: The largest bookstore in the world. "Happy Birthday."

"You've brought me to Oregon? Portland Oregon?" I asked incredulously turning in his arms. He was grinning. I didn't want to think how we were only in the car for a half hour crossing state lines, instead I was focusing that I was in a bookstore, a very, very big bookstore.

"Well, you always said Forks has a terrible library," he smiled; I just about melted right there. And it didn't help when he leaned in, placing his cold lips softly to mine. A soft energy filled the air, my heart stopped, and I was pretty sure I could hear the florescent lights above me begin to buzz. When he finally released my lips, he kissed my forehead coolly.

"You have two hours to find ten books," he told me softly as I looked up into his beauty, my jaw dropping slightly making him grin.

"Did I tell you I love you today?" I blinked with a wide smile. Edward just gave a playful eye roll and let go of me.

"Get searching, there are over four million books here and I have to get you home before curfew," he said releasing me and giving my butt a little tap with his hand to get me moving. I tried to be angry at that, at the fact I was now forced to return home by a certain time, but the sight of so many books elated my entire being. Maybe for once I'd have a good birthday.

As I searched the shelves for things of literary merit and not, I couldn't stop smiling. He was too perfect. No boy would ever think of doing this for his girlfriend and no boy would ever consider doing this for me. Good thing Edward wasn't what you called a normal boy and even better he was my boyfriend.

The bookstore had rooms of books separated by color and floor. The blue room contained books of literary merit while the rose room housed Children's and Young Adult. On the top floor was the pearl room for biographies and the purple room was an entire floor dedicated towards non-fiction. I found myself getting lost in the blue room when a soft breeze moved behind me.

Stepping back from the shelf, expecting it to be Edward telling me my time was up, I was in shock to see a man about the age of twenty standing there with a vindictive smirk. My breath caught in my throat as his eyes watched me. I forgot how to breathe. My heart suddenly stopped as I noticed his nametag. _Hello my name is... James. _

No, James was dead. Carslie and-and... My mind was racing. The shooting pain of fire in my veins caused me to shudder as I looked into James eyes. He was watching me with interest. This couldn't be the same James, but- he looked so alike and he was so, so pale.

"Do you need any help miss?" his voice was alluring, but innocent- I just didn't notice the last part. His features were made of porcelain.

"I-I'" I began panicking, taking steps backwards. Before I knew it my feet were out from under me and there was a huge crash as I took out a book cart with me as I feel to the ground. There was a panicked run and I felt the cold around me. Oh no, please no, not again. I could smell his breath it was...

"Edward?" I breathed, as I looked up at who had me in his arms. Edward held me close to his chest as I wrapped my arms around his neck. My entire world was spinning. I could hear the vibrations of Edward's voice in his chest as he spoke to someone. My ears were muted; I couldn't understand what was going on.

"Bella? Bella," my name finally came to my ears. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes to look at his caramel ones burning with concern. "What happened? Are you okay?"

"His... his name was James," I realized I was shaking then. Edward let out one of his famous sighs.

"He was a human Bella. He wasn't the hunter. He's dead, you'll never have to see him again," his soft words were laid reassuringly into my ear. I nodded; I knew that. I didn't know why I panicked, but just seeing the dark hair, pale skin, James...

"I want to go home," I muttered holding Edward close. He nodded in understanding; this wasn't the first time this had happened. Over the summer we had run into a few people named James, but none had shook me as bad at this one. It had to be the combination of his looks and name- that or I was getting weaker. My head felt light and my eyes heavy as he lifted my body and began walking through the store.

"I love you Bella, I'll always be here keeping you safe," he murmured in my ear as he placed me into the car, kissing my forehead lightly.

"I told you good things never happen on my birthday," I mumbled with a sleepy tone; he kissed the top of my head again as I began drifting into a sleep, my lullaby being his soft laughter as we began home to Forks.

A/N: A special thanks to Raging Raven, My babie's lullaby, IceHeart48, and peyton818 my first few reviews of this story! This is my first _Twilight _series so I'm glad you all enjoy.

Also a special thanks to Fiona and Morgan for being my Betas during our very, VERY boring Spanish classes together!


	3. One Step Closer

A/N: Thank you for all your reviews! Mucho Gracias to Fiona for giving me the next few ideas of this... and Christina who is my evil partner in crime and beta reader. . All your reviews are wonderful. This is my first non-Harry potter fanfiction so I'm glad you all enjoy it so much!

Disclaimer: I would so do Edward. If he were mine, I would SO do him. Tarter sauce he isn't though. Damn S. Meyer for copywriting him and the rest of the beautiful (and ugly) characters of _Twilight_. Mmm the Lyrics are Linkin Parks. Blah.

2. ONE STEP CLOSER

_I cannot take this anymore_

_Sayin' everything I've said before_

_All these words they make no sense_

_I found bliss in ignorance_

_Less I hear the less you say_

_You'll find that out anyway_

I hate him. I seriously hate him. Okay, no I don't, I love him, but he still left me with complete knowledge of the horror I must currently endure for the next twenty-four hours more or less alone. I am praying for less, but when has luck ever been on my side? Every time Edward has saved me does not constitute as luck either. No, that's just Edward being Edward.

This night could be worse though. There could be a vampire attack on us four girls watching scary movies in our pajamas, but at the moment I think I would pretty much welcome that. It's not that I can't handle the scary movies. They aren't even scary. _Batman Begins _is not scary- that's if I disregard the fact that the actor playing The Scarecrow looks frighteningly enough to be James. That aside though, the movie is fine.

No, what makes this one of the worst nights of my life is that there are four girls in their pajamas- mostly in shades of pink- in my living room with sleeping bags, bowls of candy and popcorn, and giggling like a group of twelve year olds. All right, I know I am being a little harsh, but this would be so much easier to get through if I knew once everyone was asleep Edward would appear at the back door and I could sit with him all night.

Truthfully, I think the horror resides in one thing tonight. I'm afraid to go to sleep. I don't want to start talking in my sleep. I know I will. Deep sleep has not come to me since the attack unless I am under heavy medication. Sadly, the pain medication was all out and no chance of a refill unless I break my leg again.

However, to my joy, no one looks tired and it's a good hour past midnight. I still have nine more hours until I can kick them all out without seeming rude. To my distress though, the night has dwindled into those humiliating games that involve exposing your deepest darkest secrets. Not truth or dare- thank god- but ten fingers minus the alcohol. Charlie had gone to bed, but none of us were willing to start drinking with Chief Swan so close.

If you haven't heard of the game, it's rather simple. Someone states 'I have never blank,' but of course they fill in the blank with something they have never done. Fairly simple. Those of us who have done said blank, put down a finger. First to have no more fingers looses. Again, fairly simple.

Ahh, but here comes the hard part... having to put down fingers or not put them down at all. At first it started out with normal things that most likely haven't happened. "I have never had sex," Angela proclaimed. Lauren put down a finger. Jessica blushed, obviously hiding something.

"You're hiding something," I smiled. As much as Edward teased about what he knew about Mike and Jessica, he didn't tell me. He told me Jessica would spill when she wanted to. Jessica did spill all the time, but there were some occasions she held back.

"Am not!" she hissed at me. I rolled my eyes; she was so hiding something.

"Fine, my turn," Angela pronounced, "I have never received a hickey." She smirked in Lauren's direction, a blow against the other girl turning the game from 'Ten Fingers' to 'Destroy Lauren'. Really, I didn't mind that.

"Wait, why aren't you putting a finger down Bella?" Jessica asked prominently. My eyes became wide. "I always see Edward kissing at your neck."

A hot blush lit up my cheeks. Who let these girls in here again? Oh yes, Charlie. I might just have to let him cook dinner for himself for the next week as punishment for this.

"He's never given me a hickey though," I stated in softly. No matter how much I asked, he still refused to give me a hickey, but that was because my idea of a hickey included a bite, days of pain, and loosing my humanity. I wanted him to turn me into a vampire.

Over the summer, I began to give up asking Edward to turn me into a vampire. He was getting tired of the debate and knowing neither of us was going to let up soon, I just stopped asking. I knew better ways to make him give in to turn me.

"Oh, I would have thought..." Jessica started but I shook my head. This game needed to be over now. She gave a deep irritated sigh as if I was the one with holding juicy gossip and grinned "I never took ballet," a deliberate hit on my fingers.

The game continued like this, learning of my friends' secret doings of their relationships that their mother's would never approve of. Though cranky because of having to go through with this slumber party, I began to feel a bit, well, jealous. Truth be told, Edward and I were rather lacking in the intimacy department. It was still difficult to kiss him for longer than a few seconds- doing anything more than that wasn't discussed or thought about... no matter how much jealously and hormones built up within me.

My friends were all, of course, surprised that I was the last one with six or so fingers left raised high when even sweet little Angela got out. They all assumed Edward and I had done things, if not sex itself, by the way we were always together or him always touching me in some way. As they all frowned for my sake, almost in a sickening pity, I felt my blood boil and the need to cry.

Honestly, I wanted to do all that. I wanted to be able to kiss my boyfriend for hours on end. I wanted some way to express the passion and love that was building inside of me each day. I wanted to love Edward in so many ways and he would never let me. I could never do anything; I had to be slow in my touches. Over the months, things had gotten better, but still there would always be an unexpected touch that would catch Edward off guard and he would get angry with me or, worse, panic that he would do something harmful. Seeing my friends' faces just made me wish to be a vampire even more and my plan to make Edward turn me more concrete.

"So does that mean you two aren't really that serious then?" Jessica asked me with some interest. Of course she was dating Mike, but she never ceased to be dazzled by Edward's looks or doings.

"Oh no, we are, we just... haven't gone that far," I said trying to sound as normal as possible. I didn't, but that wasn't a surprise to me. Jessica looked at me as if she believed it was my fault things between Edward and I were the way they were.

"So then what are you going to do for college? You're both going right?" Angela asked, throwing me a look to save me from Jessica going into some speech about how it is okay to give into hormones.

"No, we're staying here," I told them. This was part one of my plan to make Edward turn me. If I refused to go to college, to leave him, then turning me would look like the only suitable solution. Once he did turn me, I could attend college however many times I wanted. Brilliant, no?

"You're what?" Jessica asked incredulously, "but you're like completely smart! What did you get on your SAT?"

"Twenty-three hundred," I slipped out and then cursed myself for saying my score. I have even slipped a lie. My score was really a 2310, but I rounded down to help convince myself that was nothing special. Jaws dropped around me in shock.

"You got a 2300 and you're not planning to go to college?" Lauren asked with a malicious grin; I didn't want to know why she smiled like that. I grabbed some popcorn and nodded as if this was not as big of deal as they made it.

Of course it was though. My score was only 90 points away from a perfect score; it made me wonder if there was a mistake in the grading. I could get into any college I wanted and even a scholarship. I didn't want any of that though- I wanted Edward.

This is why he knows nothing about my SAT score or college plans. I haven't told him I'm not planning to go yet. I've been lying to him even, telling him some nights when he was not around that I was working on college applications. I just figure that if I decide to stay in Forks then he will finally turn me. However, I know he will not let me stay in Forks without a fight- hence the not telling and the lying.

I suppose this sounds deceitful, not what you do when you love somebody, but trust me, I do. I love Edward with my entire heart and that's why I'm doing this. I want to be with him. I want to be with him in ways that aren't possible. I want to be with him forever. I have to do this to make him finally give in and change me. I have to do this so I can finally love him and be there for him in all the ways a girlfriend should be.

You could tell me I'm crazy, tell me there are schools in the area, but that won't get me Edward. I can just see myself going to college and the second I make friends with a boy, Edward pushing me to be with this college boy and not him. I can even hear the words in my mind. _ Bella, this is safer, this is better. You can live a real life, a safe one._

I don't want a real life or a safe one. It's been proven I am not a safe person over and over again. I am accident-prone and have been my entire life. I want to be with Edward, it's just hard to make him understand that.

That's why the following Monday after the birthday party, I told the college counselor I wasn't going to college.

"But, Isabella dear..." she said sounding worried. My firm telling of how I plan to stay in Forks to take care of my father scared her. She had this bright read, curly hair and a splay of freckles that made me think she was new to this job and not used to students with 2310's not wanting to go to college.

"It's Bella," I corrected her, trying not to get irritated, "and I've made up my mind. I can stay here, get a job at the library, and take care of my father. I have a set plan."

"College is the best four years of your life. If you're scared you're not going to get into one..." she dropped off again with a soft sigh as she read my records. I knew she was looking at my grades, my SAT score, and thinking I was making the biggest mistake of my life.

"I know I can get into one and if I was scared of being on my own, I'd just go to Washington State, but it's not that. I just know where I want my life to take me," I told her sternly. She didn't look quite ready to give up, but enough to give up for the day.

"Alright, but please take a look at some of these brochures for me, maybe if you just gave them a chance..." she said, pushing a colorful stack of college papers towards me. Out of kindness I took them before saying my goodbyes and leaving.

Walking out the door I shuffled through the brochures, taking them in. As glossy and beautiful as all the pictures were, none contained the picture of the life I wanted. There were posed pictures of camaraderie and school spirit, but not one contained Edward. Without further thought, I threw them in the first trashcan I found.

"No college?" his voice caused my entire being to freeze, his anger evident in every syllable. It was hard as stone causing a chill to run down my spine. He wasn't supposed to be here. He wasn't at school this morning! If I knew he was anywhere even near the counseling office I wouldn't have said anything incriminating.

With caution I glanced up to his eyes that were turning darker with each passing second. I knew he had heard everything, or at least everything the councilor thought. I could only now imagine what had been going through her mind about my headstrong approach to not attending college next fall or ever.

"Edward I-" I started to explain, but what was there to explain that already hadn't? I wanted to be with him and there was no other way to make him see that. I gave him pleading eyes, a whine to my voice even, but his eyes finally reached completely black. "I just want to be with you! If you turn me-"

"Not here Bella." It was a harsh demand through gritted teeth. Swallowing loudly I could feel my heart beating in over time as I began to panic. I wasn't scared, not in the way I should be, but scared that I had finally gone too far. He opened the door and pointed the direction of the school parking lot. "Car. Now."

A/N: Sorry this chapter took so long to get out! I had to go back to Oregon again. I tried convincing my mum to let me drive up to Forks, but she- of course- said no. I'm almost decided on a college so hopefully I will be able to start writing more in the next few weeks. Schools out May 12!


	4. Points of Authority

A/N: In the span of two weeks after reading _Twilight_ I have passed on the obsession to two more. One is going to start her own fanfiction here too, so watch for my lovely Christina who saves orphan kids named Francesca one quarter at a time.

I know I was staying in the order of the CD, but I'm switching these two tracks since they will fit the chapters a bit better, especially with their lyrics. Is that a bit of foreshadowing? Yes mam'

Disclaimer: Linkin Park wanted to let you all know that even though I like them, they came up with the lyrics, chapter titles, and title first. Bitches. And second, S. Meyer's may be my second idol (JKR will always be my first) she still refuses to hand over the rights to _Twilight_, Bella, the beautiful Edward, and all the other characters to me.

3. POINTS OF AUTHORITY

_Forfeit the game_

_Before somebody else_

_Takes you out of the frame_

_And puts your name to shame_

_Cover up your face_

_You can't run the race_

_The pace is too fast_

_You just won't last_

The walk to the parking lot was worse than it should have been. It would have been bad just walking next to him, his body hard and set in the direction of the car, his eyes refusing to look my way. However, since luck is never on my side, the walk was worse, much worse.

I left the office looking at my shoes, hiding my features with my hair to avoid drawing attention to anyone else that was standing out in the parking lot. The hair didn't work though because I suddenly heard my name being shouted across the parking lot. I ignored it. This wasn't the time to talk to anyone, but there was the pitter-patter of steps and Jessica was standing in front of me with a jubilant smile.

"So how did your meeting go? Did the lady just freak when you told her you weren't planning to go to college?" Jessica was smiling, ready to take in all gossip. I on the other hand shifted nervously, feeling Edward's glare.

"Er- yeah, she tried to convince me to still go," I answered only out of politeness. I could see in her eyes she wanted more information, more gossip to spread around the school, but right now was not the best time for that.

"Come on Bella, let's get you home," Edward stated, grabbing hold of me by the wrist and dragging me away from Jessica. She gave a wave before running off to Mike who was standing by his car.

"Edward, let go," I stated with gritted teeth as people watched us walk through the lot. He didn't though. Instead his anger overtook him just that much more and his granite grip tightened around my wrist tightened painfully.

"Edward, stop!" I pleaded only loud enough for him to hear me, trying to keep my breathing even as the tightness around my wrist began to sear with pain and my fingers go numb from lack of blood flow. My eyes started to water as I bit my lip trying to concentrate on something else but the pain.

"Edward you're hurting me!" I cried out finally and as quick as lighting, he let go of my wrist. He stopped walking and so did I, turning to face each other, my eyes brimming with tears I wouldn't let fall. Though his eyes stayed black, his expression weakened as he realized what he had been doing.

"Bella I'm..." he started to apologize, but I shook my head. I didn't want to hear it, not when he wouldn't hear me out about my college decision.

"Just take me home," I demanded walking to the passenger side of his car and getting in as he still stood there watching me. There was a moments pause as I bulked my seatbelt, watching Edward through the rearview mirror, that I felt time stop. A simple of second or two where my heart stopped beating and the need to breath wasn't necessary.

A beat later Edward entered the car and I felt queasy.

His scent seemed to consume my entire being more than usual as he started the car. It was sickly strong, making my head go dizzy. I coughed into my hand, while looking out the window, away from him. Ignoring him, ignoring the illness and fatigue that was suddenly hitting me.

"How long has Jessica known?" Edward asked with a voice trying its best not to shake with both fear and anger. As he spoke the air seemed to thicken. I had the urge to open the window, but the trees were rushing by so quickly I knew the air would sting from the speed Edward was traveling.

"Saturday night, at my party," I said blandly. If I threw up in his car would he care? He barely seemed to notice I was suddenly becoming increasingly ill. I looked at him through my hair and noticed he was watching. So he did know, I could just tell by the look he was giving me, but he was still unable to push aside the anger.

"So you decided to tell her before me then?"

"No, it just slipped," I groaned, "Why aren't you taking me home?" For how fast we were going I knew I should have been home by now.

"I need to drive, relax," Edward confirmed that he had questions I was going to have to answer before I was released from his custody and anger. "What the hell were you thinking Bella? You think I'd be okay with knowing you didn't apply to college? And all because of me?"

"Yes, no, I dunno- I want to go home," I rambled getting angry with myself for thinking I could pull off this lie, with him for treating me like a child, for refusing to turn me, and at this sickness that was clogging my thoughts. I could feel the burning sensation of angry tears at my eyes. "I just wanted to be with you!"

"There are other ways to be with me Bella! There are colleges near by you could have gone to, I could have attended with you!" He declared and I shook my head.

"Not like that! I just wanted to be with you- forever! Forever forever! Not this human forever! I don't want to go to college! I'm tired of knowing every day I get older and I'm one day closer to never having you again!" I was crying now. He didn't seem to care for the first time since he had met me. I didn't believe he didn't care, I couldn't. He was just... acting different.

"That doesn't excuse that fact that you lied to me! Lied Bella! After all those times I thought you being honest with me, that you were doing college applications, you were lying! And then you tell Jessica before me? What am I supposed to think Bella?"

"I don't know!" I cried, harder sobs now starting to hit me, "I just wanted to be with you! I thought it'd make you see that you're more important than all of this!"

"BY LYING TO ME!"

"No! By giving it all up for you! Being with you is more important that all of that! And if you turned me-" I was crying so hard that my cheeks had puffed out and I was choking on my words. The dizziness was making the entire world spin and as I heaved my breaths to tell him about how I could always go to college after he turned me, I smelt it.

I could smell it before I felt it. The rusty smell that makes my entire mind go faint, the need for my eyeballs to roll back in their sockets. The slight trickle worked its way out my nose and onto my upper lip. Reaching up to touch the warm sensation that clashed with the tears, I pulled my hand away from my nose to see my fingers covered in red.

Nose bleed.

The car went silent; Edward's breathing had stopped. I suddenly looked at him, aware of the seriousness of this. His eyes gleamed a fresher and harder black than I had ever seen before. I couldn't move. My body was stiff and taunt with fear. Only my eyes could move.

Edward's eyes. Wetting of his lips. The clock turning to the next minute. A car honk behind us. The speedometer. 155 mph. A tree.

"EDWARD!" I screamed as I saw the tree approaching so quickly that my entire being froze. We were going to hit it dead on.

Edward broke out of his trance, turning the wheel to the right, sending the car spinning on the slick roads. I became sick with dizziness and fear. A hard thump and shaking overcame my, loud crashed as the driver's side smashed into the tree. I screamed for Edward, I knew I did before my chest slammed into my seatbelt and I was lost for air. My head banged against the window, glass shattered everywhere. The air bag deployed and I could taste blood now.

"Edwa-edward," I breathed trying to stay conscious. My vision was blurring. I could see him and then... then he was gone. "Edward? EDWARD!" My voice cracked into a yell as the blurriness of shapes started becoming one big blob then fading to black.

There was a shrill noise of sirens. I was moving. Edward? No, no. Pins and needles, bruises and, maybe, if I heard correctly, concussion and internal bleeding. No, stop. Make the dark stop!

It did and there was light. The fresh bright smell of flowers or clothes right out of the dryer. I could feel a slight breeze through my hair. So much light, so much brightness. And yet no angel. Edward? Where was my Edward?

And suddenly, with one gasping breath, darkness engulfed me and I was shrouded into a heavy sleep, void of any angels or devils.

(A/N: I would really love your comments on this chapter. Sorry it took awhile. My AP's start this week and I have been studying harder than ever. 12 MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL LEFT!

Hearts,

Fran))


	5. With You

A/N: Wow, sorry for such the long wait! I really do apologize for making ya'll wait so long! I had so much testing and the wirting of my senior project that not a lot of time was left for anything else. I hope ya'll aren't that mad at me! This one is a bit of a cliff-hanger too, but its something I have to do...

Anyone who read my one-shot, thank you for the reviews! I'm glad you all like it. It is only a one-shot, but it has made me begin to think of doing a series of one-shots based on Alice. Tell me what you think

Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine, but they are S. Meyer's. We love her for letting us borrow them while we await _New Moon._

4. WITH YOU

_It's true_

_The way I feel_

_Was promised by your face_

_The sound of your voice_

_Painted on my memories_

_Even if you're not with me_

_I'm with you_

The darkness was closing around me to the point I couldn't breath. I was suffocating though I could feel wind on my skin and the soft touches of those who loved me. Bella? Bella? Are you awake Bella? I groaned.

"Oh my god she's awake," there was the soft voice of a pixie vibrating through my head. "Jasper, go get Carlisle."

The swift movement of cold leaving my left arm caused my entire body to shiver and I sputtered out a couch, air finally able to reach my lungs. I didn't know what was going on. Why was it so black still? I opened my eyes; a swift fluttering as light peered through. No, black was good. However the need to open my eyes and see what was happening overcame me.

I was in a bedroom with light blue walls and perfect white furniture. I'd never seen it before, but more mysterious to me than the bedroom was the face staring down at me. I was lying down. It was a girl, cute and petite, with spike black hair. I knew her. I- I blinked and then there were four faces, four different faces. Surprised I let out a scream of horror before trying to scramble out of bed.

"Alice, please," the blonde haired man instructed her and she frowned slightly before bending over me, putting pressure on my wrists and cementing me to the bed. My breathing intensified at her cold touch. Looking from her to the brawny boy to my right, I felt something. I knew them.

"Alice?" the word- no, name- scratched in the very back of my throat. She squealed and let go. "Oh no, stop, loud," I mustered to get out, clapping my hands on my ears and wiggling on the bed. Alice covered her mouth with her hands, but I could tell she was still smiling.

"Bella dear, do you know who the rest of us are?" the blonde man asked me. I uncovered my ears and sat up on my elbows looking from him, to the woman next to him, holding onto his arm with a worried expression, and then to the brawns that looked somewhat uncomfortable.

"You're Jasper," I pointed to him, "and... and," I searched my mind and found it almost hurt as much as my body, "and you're Carlisle and Esme."

"Oh she remembers!" Esme grinned and hugged Alice who was giddy. I laughed until it hurt so much I began coughing. Jasper handed me a water that I quickly drank as if I had not had any liquid down my throat for month. It was then as I was drinking I noticed more about the room. There was hospital equipment in it and I was hooked up to an IV drip.

"What's going on?" I asked, scared now that I realized that this had not been a normal awakening.

"Bella... I know this is going to be hard for you, but do you remember anything about the car crash?" Carlisle asked, biting his bottom lip.

Car crash? Car crah? Oh my God. "Edward!" I exclaimed and started wiggling trying to get out of the mess of sheets, "where's Edward? Is he all right?" Everything then came flooding back to me as if I was hit once again by the tree. The sirens, the hospital room, and even things before that: my mother, moving to Forks, Edward, vampires, James... everything spilled over my with such force I stopped fighting to get out of bed feeling faint.

"Edward didn't have a scratch on him love, don't worry," Esme told me with a motherly smile. I nodded, feeling the need of sleep once again.

"Why...why isn't he... here," my last word slipped as my eyes became heavy again. My last image of Jasper biting his lip.

With a deep yawn, my body shook awake finally after what felt like years of sleep. This time though, I remembered all of it. Nothing was returning to me, it was just an ordenairy awakening. Focusing my eyes around the room I noticed Rosalie sitting in a chair in the corner of the room, watching me.

"Rosalie?" I asked puzzled, I knew she didn't like me enough to sit and watch me sleep. No, that was Edward's job. Where was Edward? Rosalie rose from her seat and left without a word. Seconds late, Esme was back in the room smiling.

"You're up, I'm glad, maybe we'll be able to keep you awake a little longer this time," she smiled and started fiddling with the machines my body was hooked up to. I noticed there was no heart monitor. They didn't need it; they could hear my heart beats perfectly.

"Esme, can you tell me what's going on? Please?" I asked, sitting up in bed, but a dizzy sensation caused me to lie back down. Esme gave a sigh, looked at the door, and then nodded, coming to sit at the end of my bed.

"The car crash you were in was a rather bad one Bella. Carlisle thought it best to bring you back here, to our home, for recovery," Esme explained. I nodded as Jasper walked in. "Not yet," she told him.

"So... I'm alive?" I asked and after a moment of thought and consideration, Esme nodded. I didn't have to see her nod; I knew I was still alive and unturned. I could feel the warmth of my blood in my veins and shallow breaths flow through my lungs. I was still alive, barely it seemed, but I was alive.

I looked away from her, not wanting her to see me hurt. If I was hurt so badly in the crash, why didn't he just bite me? Didn't Edward want me to be with him? Or was he ready to let me die just so he doesn't have to? I choked back tears and turned to Esme and Jasper to find them speaking in their hushed and quick whispers. I needed answers. "Can one of you go get Edward for me?"

It was surprising that he wasn't here, awaiting me to awake. He had been there after James, but this time it was different. The crash had been my fault. Maybe he was still angry at me for lying at him. I didn't know, but I wanted to find out. I needed to talk to him.

However, they weren't going to let me. My eyes grew heavy again and a soft lullaby played in my mind. "No... no.. I need Edwa..." I tried to plead before drifting off into another induced sleep. I tried to fight it, but the dark overcame me just as it had the afternoon of the accident.

For a third time, I awoke to a pair of eyes watching me. Yet again they were not the golden brown and butterscotch eyes I longed for, but they were welcomed. My eyes fluttered open to see Alice sitting there, knitting something quietly and quickly, my eyes barely able to see the needles moving back and forth. However, she was biting her lip as if she was having a difficult time.

"Alice?" I whispered quietly and she looked up, her needles freezing in the air. Her pixie hair was in pigtails that stood on end, making my heart warm when all I desperately wanted to do was make it cool. Quietly the little sprite put down her needles and gracefully walked to my bed, sitting by my feet.

Much unlike my trip to the hospital early this year, my body was not sore. In fact, I had the urge to streach my limbs as if I had not moved in months. The change scared me, letting me know something was terribly wrong. If my own body could not tell me that, the memories of past wakeings and the look in Alice's eyes could tell me that the car crasp brought more bad than I could begin to think of.

"Alice? What's happened?" I whispered. I wanted to ask where Edward was, but afraid I would be put back to sleep once more.

"There was a car crash Bella. You should have been killed instantly," her voice was soft, reminding me of Esme's. I wondered if this had been rehearsed before I woke or if maybe Alice had seen it.

"But I wasn't," I told her definitely and she nodded.

"No, you weren't, not instantly," she gave a weak smile. Her words worked their way into my mind, soaking in slowly. She was trying to give me hints, give me clues, and all I could do was repeat her words in my mind over and over like a broken record. She gave a small sigh and explained for me, "You died Bella. For thirteen minutes you were officially dead, but, somehow, your heart restarted on its own. You've been in a coma ever since..."

We sat there in silence for minutes, hours, maybe even days. I tried to understand, tried to remember. All I could remember were the sirens, so much light and then... and then everything went dark. That must have been the coma. I tried thinking harder and realized through all of this, there were no angels. Not one.

"How long has it been since..." I started but trailed off. I couldn't say it. I died? For thirteen minutes? I died for thirteen minutes. My heart stopped beating and my lungs stopped breathing. My brain shut down. I was dead for thirteen minutes and there were no angels to save me.

"You've been asleep for the past five months," she told me quietly. Five months I was in a coma. Five months I missed out on school, life, and love. Five months I had been without an angel. "You've been staying here because everyone thinks you're dead Bella. Your mum, dad, kids at school, they all think you're dead."

The consequences of what she just said could not even sink in at the moment. Her words were blank causing my sore body to become numb. I knew what they meant and yet my mind could not process that I was at the Cullen's house, that my parents thought they would never see my face again.

I was dead to the world and yet I was still human. I couldn't even form the thoughts about why I wasn't turned, not at that moment. I couldn't even process why I was alive. I was full of nothing. No questions to ask, no answers to give. I knew eventually it would all be explained to me, but the paramount of the shock was killing my racing heart. The numb hurt.

"And what of Edward?" I asked breaking the days of silence. Alice looked away from me and I already knew the answer. My eyes started welling up with sadness and anger. I now knew why there were no angels to save me, to bring me out of the light and out of the darkness.

"He left. He left right after you were pronounced dead. We haven't heard from him since."


	6. Crawling

A/N: Wow the response I got from the last chapter just...wow. Thank you all so much for all your reviews and if I had the time and patience I would name all of you to thank you. However, instead of doing that I figured I would get to work on this chapter. This chapter will hopeful explain a lot and show that I didn't just choose the title and to link the story with Linkin Park because I'm an obsessed fan. I like the band, but I am not obsessed; it just follows my story all too well.

Also, I am not a doctor. I took biology sophomore year and haven't dealt with it since. I do know about lack of oxygen, blood cells, etc so I think I got this all right and good. No it was not a mistake she was dead 13 minutes and yeah she should have brain loss, but hey this is the magic of an imagination and I think I have the reasons why explained. If it doesn't make sense please comment and I will help to you to understand or rewrite this chapter altogether.

One more note: I am graduating from high school this Friday. I have been very busy because of it but was able to belt out this chapter. On June 10th I am leaving to Carlisle's hometown (London). I will try my best to get the next chapter out before I leave but if not I may not be able to get the next chapter up until July. Never fear though, I will write on a laptop and as soon as I get back update. I am not leaving forever- how could I with such a great audience?

Thank you for listening to my rambling- hearts and kisses- Fran

Disclaimer: I do not own Edward even though I made him leave. I am sorry for that. I do not own Bella even though I'm putting her through this pain and agony. I am sorry for that. I do not own any of these characters even though I am manipulating them into dark angst dram. I am sorry for that- even though dark angst drama is the best kind of drama. Also Lyrics and titles go to Linkin Park.

5. CRAWLING

_Crawling in my skin_

_These wounds they will not heal_

_Fear is how I fall_

_Confusing what is real_

_Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me_

_Distracting/reacting_

_Against my will I stand beside my own reflection_

_It's haunting how I can't seem..._

I can remember the last time I stood in this office clearly. I was amazed by the amount of books on the shelves, the one wall that was pure glass, and the wall containing the pictures of Dr. Cullens' life. I refuse to look at that wall now as I sit in the plush red chair in front of his desk. I don't want to think about his journey, his life, about the smiles Edward gave me as he told me the history of his father.

I've been awake for three days now. And by awake I mean awake. Ever since that last awakening, I haven't been able to sleep. I won't allow Jasper to help me sleep, but as I lay there still, eyes wide open, I wonder if he could even help me. My mind isn't running with pictures or worries, of course Edward's eyes haunt me, but they are not the reason I can't sleep. I just can't. Something inside of me thinks even if Edward was here I couldn't sleep. I slept too long, my body has to catch up to my waking hours so it seems.

No one has spoken to me in these three days either. I don't offer to talk to any of them either. Alice tried to comfort me, but how do you comfort someone who has lost everything? The cabin fever of having to stay inside this house or on the Cullens' property has yet to hit. When I cough, I cough blood.

Outside the window a light rain fell, but I kept my eyes down on the wood of Carlisle's desk as I drew funny shapes with my cold fingers. I was instructed to come meet with him, but he had yet to arrived. Yet there was a knock at the door and he entered carrying what looked like food on a white plate.

"Good evening Bella, I thought you might like to eat as we talked," he smiled down at me and I gulped. Food had not been my friend. Every time I tried to eat anything- pasta, soup, soda even- I couldn't keep it down, making the bathroom my second bedroom almost. I was in the tub all last night, my stomach churning for food but unable to keep anything down.

"I'm not sure that's such a good thing Dr. Cullen," I tried to hide my groan.

"Carlisle," he corrected me, setting the plate down in front of me. The white plate held a simple steak, nothing on it nor any garnish or side dish. I looked at Carlisle with wonder.

"But right now you are my doctor," I explained to him, biting my lip as I looked at the peculiar looking piece of meet. Nothing looked wrong with it. The juices forming on the plate underneath it were pink and bloody. I had a feeling it was cooked rare. Would it be rude to tell him I only liked my steak well done?

"No, right now I am more of..." he bit his lip, trailing off as he looked for the correct word. The word father came to my mind, but I refused to say it. I had tried my best the last few days to not think about Charlie. It had been rather easy though, the inability to sleep and the constant throwing up taking up most of my time.

"I will be your doctor later," he finally told me, "but right now I would like for you to eat. You see, I have a theory and I would like you to help me prove it by eating this steak." He produced a steak knife and fork from nowhere, handing it to me across the desk. I felt awkward cutting into the piece of beef, the red juices flowing from it. I gulped again, the smell of blood lingering on the barely cooked meal.

However, I took a bite. The steak was so raw that the middle was still cold. The texture and flavor almost sickened me, but as the juices ran down my throat and my teeth shred the raw meat I suddenly realized how hungry I really was. For this point back I had always hated raw meat, but now it seemed like it was the perfect food. Carlisle stayed quite, a small frown on his lips as he watched me devour the steak quickly.

I didn't like his frown. I had been getting it ever since I had awakened. Everyone looks at me like I'm about to break, but I suppose I should be used to that with this family of vampires. However, it's a different type of fragile. It's because they know I'm dying. I can feel it. And like me, they don't know why. Except Carlisle and that's why we were here, for him to explain everything. The crash, the coma, the sickness now. Everything.

"How do you feel Bella?" Carlisle asked concerned.

"Better," I answered, my entire body feeling a bit lighter, my cheeks a bit warmer even. It was obvious the food had done some good.

"Good," he gave a slight smile, but it was easy to read the underlying worry. I wanted to know, but then I didn't.

"Did I prove your theory?" I asked.

"Yes, I believe you did," he sighed and then started going through some papers. I didn't know what to do. I felt like I should leave, but I knew the conversation was not over. Before I could decide to leave, he spoke again. "You're a miracle Bella. After so many minutes without breathing, the brain stops working, brain cells begin to die. Without oxygen and your heart pumping blood throughout your body, you die. You did die. I saw it all. The heart monitor stopped and we did everything we could to save you. I considered giving it all up right there and biting you in front of all those doctors to save you, but your body was too gone. You died at five thirty-nine that afternoon."

I just sat there taking it all in. I was dead. I died. I couldn't remember anything from it though. There was dark and there was light, there were voices and sirens at one point, but besides that I could remember nothing. Carlisle watched my reaction, a small pause before continuing in a soft, delicate voice. He was too young and too pure looking to be talking about death.

"I was the only one in the room when you took your first breath. I was cleaning you up, making your body... presentable... for your parents when they arrived, when you gasped for air and your heart slowly started beating again. It was five fifty-two. I considered biting you again that very moment, but I knew your body would not be able to handle the venom just yet. As I stood there, watching your chest rise and fall with each new breath I did something stupid. At the time I thought it was the right thing, the perfect thing, but I apparently I was wrong.

"I took you from the hospital, wrapped you up in a blanket and ran you all the way here. I figured I would watch you for the next few days as you recovered and when you woke up, when you were strong enough, I would turn you. I thought all the puzzle pieces were perfectly in place. Your parents believed you were dead, the entire town did, and I doubted you could live very long if not turned. In some ways I was only thinking of myself, or my children you could say. I was thinking how perfect it was for you and Edward, that the circumstances were perfect for you to be turned and him not to feel guilty. You would be in love forever then," his eyes were glossed over as if he could cry, but I knew it was impossible for him to cry. I, however, was doing my best to try and not cry.

I couldn't help thinking of what had happened. Of how he was so right, that I could have been turned and my life with Edward forever. I saw exactly how Carlisle saw. I could have loved Edward without worry. We could have all moved from Forks together and started new. The Cullen's would have moved because the memories were too much for Edward when really I could be starting fresh, starting life as a vampire.

"However, when I got you here, Edward was... gone. None of us could figure where he went, searching all the places we knew him to visit. Alice trying to see the future, but we found nothing. My thoughts of still turning you became limited because part of me wanted Edward to be the one to turn you," Carlisle bit his lip as if this information was hurting me. I took a shuddering breath; it was hurting me more than he could imagine.

"Each day passed as you laid there in a coma and we were no closer to finding Edward. That's when I decided that I would let you wake and you could make the decision if you wished to be turned," he told me. My eyes grew the size of saucers. He was asking if I wanted to be changed? Yes, yes, always yes. Yet what he said sunk in as well. I had no Edward and maybe no chance of ever getting him back. Could I live forever without him? Maybe I would find him one day, but would he still want me?

"However, things have changed once again, creating a new problem," he told me. I stared at him. Changed? Changed how? "As I was watching you, making sure you healed properly, I noticed that you were healing all to quickly some days and other days you were worsening. For the longest time I could not figure out what was wrong until I linked that the days you looked best- face shaped, lips perfect, hair shiny- were the days you were internally worse. It was Rosalie that made the connection that on those days you look beautiful yet are in more pain than normal that you look like you're turning."

I was in shock. I was turning already? But no, I knew I was more than human. I had to breath, I had to eat, and I could feel my heart beating inside of me. However, other things started making me see differently. I couldn't sleep anymore, barely keep food down, and then if I looked even further I had been keeping better balance lately, high SAT scores, faster. I still felt human, but now I could tell I was changed in little ways I just blamed on maturing.

"It's called _Hybrid Theory_. A hybrid is something made up of two opposing elements. In you case it would be human and vampire. When James bit you, Edward attempted to extract all of the venom and we all believed he had for you were no longer in pain. I believe Edward may have missed a small trace of the venom or maybe gave you some of his own somehow and ever since you have been slowly changing into a vampire. I accept as true that it's behind the reasoning of your resistance to dying as well as you inability to keep down most food."

His words weren't forming real sentences. I was already changing? I could remember Edward commenting how I always felt warm and how my skin some days felt on fire, but I thought that had been from the hot sun.

"Carlisle, if I am already changing, then what's the problem?" I asked scared to hear the real answer. Somewhere inside of me I knew the answer, but I wanted to hear it from him, maybe even hear a different answer. Maybe, hopefully, I was wrong.

"You can't be a hybrid Bella, the two just don't mix," he sighed with sad eyes. I could feel angry tears welling up in my eyes and my cheeks turn hot. I was right. It was killing me. "The venom attacks your blood stream, think of it almost as a virus that attaches onto your blood cells causing them to die. Your anti-bodies then start attacking the venom causing the venom to weaken its potency. Without a full strength dose you will never be completely changed, but you will be eternally sick, in the motions of turning. Eventually, the process will become so physically exhausting and painful... you'll die."

Hot tears rolled down my cheeks. Everything I ever wanted was coming true and yet it was like someone was yanking it away from me as if it was on a string. I was turning and yet I would never be completely turned. I would die before I was a vampire. A deep sob rose in my chest and before I knew it Carlisle was by my side, cradling me in his arms.

"Can-can you add more venom?" I sobbed against his marble like chest. I couldn't help it and cried harder, everything hitting me. To the outside world I was dead. I was without Charlie and Rene, Mike or Jessica. I was without Edward. My body was collapsing on itself and all I could do was sit back and let it happen.

"I don't know Bella. Your body is still weak for a complete turning, but I don't know if it will ever be. We could try, but it could kill you too," he sighed, pushing my hair out of my face. I thought about the word father again, how much Carlisle was to his almost children, and yet all I wanted to do was be with my own father, to be with Charlie. "It's up to you to decide if it's worth the risk."

I sat there crying in his arms and the though passed through my mind. Did I try living as a human, maybe somehow integrate myself back into normal life and live as long as I could, dealing with this sickness as someone with cancer would, living life to the fullest or did I ask to be turned, die or maybe live forever as a vampire, never to have a true life?

Both had the possibility of dying though one was a fifty/fifty chance of dying or living forever. I wasn't sure I wanted to live forever though. Both lives looked empty of love, family, life, and most importantly, Edward.


	7. Runaway

A/N: HI EVERYONE! Bahaha. I'm back kind of. So wanna know what happened? In London, I lost my passport. Mucho fun right? It would so only happen to me, or maybe Bella. So then I got home and had a whole bunch of things for college to do. Had to go to Chicago- hehehehe- and registers etc etc. I leave for school in 12 days, but I'm going to try and bust out all this goodness as soon and as fast as possible. Therefore, there was no beta so any spelling, grammar, story things I got wrong, please excuse.

6. RUNAWAY

I wanna run away

Never say goodbye

I wanna know the truth

Instead of wondering why

I wanna know the answers

No more lies

I wanna shut the door

And open up my mind

I think I became lost after that moment. There was a sucking inside of me that ate my heart as Carlisle told me that I might not be able to make it either alive or un-dead. It was up to me to decide what we should try, but As things progressed I started to wonder- was there even a point to live anyone?

On paper the answer was no. There was no Rene, no Charlie, and no Edward. There wasn't even the little pests in my life like Eric, Mike, or Jessica. I was alone. Or I that's how I felt even if all the Cullens were doing their best to make me seem like part of the family.

A few weeks after waking for the final time, I finally moved out of the hospital like room that I had been sleeping in. Not only was there no reason to sleep, but my body had begun to reject it. I could pretend to sleep, but my brain never shut down. I was getting paler and yet my hair seemed glossier, of a fuller volume. It was all happening slowly though. No one noticed unless they compared me to a picture from when I was alive.

So instead of sleep, I had found a new hobby: Music. Right, so this is where we all laugh. Me playing music? That's just as comical and heinous of thinking me dancing ballet again? No, I wasn't going to play that dreadful piano- the one I avoided every time I entered the room and finally just avoided the room altogether- or any instrument for that matter.

No, I was a listener. An entire plethora of CD's sat in front of me and a sound system too good to let gather dust. This is where I sat every night for twelve hours and began spending most of my days as well; Edward's room. It still smelled of him.

"Bella... Belllaaa," a voice drifted into my ears as I listened to a Billie Holiday collection. My blood turned cold- or, er, colder than it already was- it couldn't be him right? Please let it be. I opened my eyes. It was Alice.

"Locking yourself in here all day is not going to make him return," she chided me with her hands on her hips. I ignored her and turned up the music; this was not her first attempt at getting me out and I knew she would eventually go away. Hopefully.

"Bella!" she whined. So wouldn't work. "Fine, I won't tell you about when he is going to return." Wait what? I looked to Alice and she grinned wickedly. Was I really that easy to manipulate? Yes. When it came to Edward yes times a million.

"Alice if you know something, you tell me now," I told her, flipping onto my stomach so I could see her better. She giggled and pranced into the room like a gazelle. I may have been somewhat turning, but I still had not developed such a beautiful grace. Bummer.

"Actually I don't know when he's returning, but Carlisle has gone to fetch him or try to at least. I haven't seen if it works yet though," she pouted openly. Gone to fetch him? They knew where Edward was? But they had told me that he just left. Left the moment he heard I was dead, wouldn't respond to their pleas for his return, nothing. He had stopped listening to them and them in turn were unable to find their youngest brother and eldest son.

"Wait, you know where he is?" I asked and she nodded.

"He owns a home in Chicago. It was his family's and he's kept it all these years," she told me simply. It was an easy answer. How come they didn't think of this before? I looked at her with a raised eyebrow and Alice only shrugged.

"So you don't know when he's coming back? Or even if he is?"

Alice shook her head and wandered over to the CDs to look at the cases. "Does it even matter? Shouldn't you be mad at him?" another voice danced gracefully into the conversation. Rosalie. I didn't even have to look at her to know it was her. Ever since my diagnosis she had become happier each day, but with her happiness came wickedness. I barely understood why, but I had a feeling it had to do with her jealousy fading along with my human traits.

"What do you mean she should be mad at him?" Alice shot back, replacing the Cds in a different order than that Edward had. She had a grin as if she knew what he would do when he found out and continued to switch them up even faster.

"Well, he left her! Here he says he loves her and then all of a sudden he leaves without even a goodbye!" Rosalie fought back walking into the room without an invitation and sitting down next to me on the leather sofa making me have to sit up finally.

"He thought she was dead though. If you killed Emmit wouldn't you run?" Alice glared at Rosalie. Uh, hello? I'm still here! I have opinions too you know! Yeah, totally not working. Forgot Edward was the only one who could hear thoughts. Oh wait, he couldn't even hear mine so then that was worthless. Continue please. I'll pretend I'm not here.

"No! I would have stayed. I mean, he wasn't at her funeral even," Rosalie spoke. She had a point. Edward just left... Ha. And I had thought he loved me, but instead he ran from the love and the broken heart.

"You don't know that!" Alice growled. Rosalie lifted an eyebrow.

"Alice... what do you know..." Obviously Alice was hiding something from us, from me. The little pixie shifted on her feet and went back to the Cds.

"Nothing." Hah! Fat chance. Pfft. I got up and walked to her, taking the Cds out of her hands.

"Alice was he there?" I asked gently. She pouted then buckled.

"No, okay, he wasn't. I don't think. I mean all I saw was him choosing to leave and I didn't have a chance to stop him. You know he's faster than any of us!" She spilled and probably if she could have cried she would have. "And all I know now is Carlisle just decided he was going to visit Edward after his last letter."

Wait, they were in correspondence? That means.- "So Edward knows Bella's alive and still hasn't returned?" Rosalie inquired. Ouch. That hurt. Stake right in the heart. Twisted even. I think my liver may have exploded even.

"No I didn't say that," Alice muttered. Hah! See, she didn't know which meant Edward might not know. But then again, he still left me. He left me when I needed him most. He wasn't there to save me again. He was no angel. He promised he'd stay with me as long as I wanted him there. Well I wanted him here, now, but he wasn't.

"Hmm, you think Carlisle will tell him when he visits?" Rosalie mumbled out her thoughts. She could leave you know. Maybe go jump off a bridge. I would so not mind.

"No."

I nodded. Right. So Edward was going to come back on his own, or that was the plan. I bit my lip in thought. I couldn't have that. He'd never return then. Or if he did, it might be to late. My body was sore and my blood thinning. Each day raw meat even seemed harder and harder to handle. Time was running out.

So that's when I decided I was going to go to Chicago.


	8. By Myself

A/n:: wOw I know its been a long time, but college kind of just killed me. Packing was a pain and then moving, settling in, switching dorms so I had to resettle once again, etc. I'm two months in and finally getting the chance to write again. Yes, I HAVE read _New Moon_, but this story will have nothing to do with it. Not even emotions completely match up, but this is my version of Bella and I like he a tad more stranger than how Meyer wrote her. Sorry. Also sorry for the cliff hanger of like 3 months. Haha.

Disclaimer: Not my characters. They belong to S. Meyer.

7. BY MYSELF

If I let them go I'll be outdone  
But if I try to catch them I'll be outrun  
If I'm killed by the questions like a cancer  
Then I'll be buried in the silence of the answer 

My bag was packed and I was leaving, going without any help. Of course this is not what Alice had in mind. As I threw my things into the bag she pleaded with me to stay, that it wasn't safe for me to go. She even got Carlisle into it and he advised that though it might be the only thing to get Edward home, it might not be the best for me in my 'condition.' Well fine, let my condition be the death of me, it'd be easier to explain than death by heartbreak.

I wasn't even sure where I was going. All I knew was that Edward was in Chicago at his old home. That wasn't saying much. Chicago was nothing like Forks. It was big and spread out. Was he in the city or the outer suburbs? Near the lake or near the airport? I tried asking Carlisle and Alice, but they were no help. The only somewhat help I got was from Rosalie who in a small laugh said I should just ride the train until I found him. Hah. Right.

This was a fight for love. It was a way to get my Edward back, but I could tell it was going to be hard. I only had one choice and that was convincing Alice to come with me, or at least look ahead for me. "Will I find him?"

Alice shook her head. "Bella I don't see anything. It's fuzzy. You've decided to go to Chicago, you're going out the door and then it just stops," Alice said truthfully with a sad tone that made my determination falter. I had no idea what that meant. I tried willing myself to see, but it just gave me a headache; apparently seeing the future was not going to be my special power. I had shown no sign of one at all yet actually. Maybe I'd die before I ever did.

"Maybe its because I don't know what I'm going to do once I'm out the door," I bit my lip as I sat on Edward's couch alone for the last time. I had decided I was not coming back without him. If he refused to come back, if he didn't… love me, then I wasn't coming back here. I'd go and travel the world and find my death somewhere peaceful, hoping the hint of glitter to my pale skin would not give me away.

"Well," a crystal, cherry voice entered the room once more. I didn't have to look; I knew it was Rosalie. She seemed to always show up when she was needed least. Ready to break my confidence? She was there. And now she was gliding into the room with one of the biggest smiles I had ever seen her with, probably because I was leaving. "Emmett and I thought about that and got you a plane ticket to O'hare." She flashed the white boarding pass in front of my face. That smile was definitely because I was leaving.

"Uh, thanks Rosalie," I bit my lip. I knew she wanted me gone, and of course I wanted to be gone, but I was a little apprehensive about taking the tickets from her. They seemed okay; window seat to see the lights as I landed. I hear you fly right over the city. Or maybe that's the Midway airport. No matter. That's when I realized it was one way and for in three hours. Oh she wanted me gone and she wanted me gone now.

"Don't you think it's a little soon for her to be leaving?" Alice brought up with a harsh tone disapproving of Rosalie's motives. "Maybe we should wait until Carlsile goes to visit Edward and see if he comes back on his own." I looked at her. Was she stalling? She had to know something. She said Edward was writing letters. Did he write that he might come back? Or was he happy where he was and liked this new life he was leading? Maybe Alice did see me leaving and finding Edward and he wasn't happy to see me at all. A shudder ran down my spine colder than my blood; not being in love anymore was something I did not want to think about.

Right then, it was time to leave then. Alice gave me a long hung while Rosalie smiled from the side. Alice took my bag for me as we headed out of the room. "I'll drive you to the airport," as we all started down the stairs.

"Thanks Alice, I really appreciate it," I told her, looking over my shoulder to send her a smile. However, behind me, both Rosalie and Alice had stopped walking, faces in complete shock. Huh? I turned around to see right at the bottom of the stair case eyes of topaz staring right up at me. It was if the world had stopped moving for those few seconds in which I realized I no longer needed to breathe to live. Not if I was looking into those eyes, his eyes.

"Bella?" his voice was soft for a moment. All I could do was stare as my mind rushed to try and read his features. Was he upset, glad to see me, what? Everyone had appeared by now, hearing Edward's voice, looking to me as I finally nodded. I could see his eyes moving, taking me in as I stood there before him.

"You were dead," he stated, gulping down nothing. His hands were balling up into fists, veins popping on his exposed forearms from rolling up the sleeves of his shirt. Once again I nodded.

"She was dead," he repeated again, this time to Carlisle. He threw down his duffle bag making me jump. He was angry. More than angry, and all because I was alive. "YOU TURNED HER? YOU KNEW HOW I FELT ABOUT YOU TURNING HER!"

I took off at a sprint up the stairs. This wasn't happening. I didn't want to hear it. Covering my ears I ran faster than I ever had, not tripping once as Edward's yells were still faintly booming in my sensitive ears. He didn't want me here- he wanted me dead. Dry sobs started to wrack my body as I ran into his room and slammed the door shut, but no real tears were forming. All I wanted to do was cry and no little beads of liquid would escape me as my breath came in large gasps.

How could I have been so stupid? I was about to go look for him all over Chicago and now he was yelling up a storm downstairs. "HOW COME YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?" Maybe he moved on, found another girl to love and cherish. Hah, what if he was bringing her home to meet the family just like he had done with her. Esme had told her she was the first, the only to even affect Edward like this, but maybe she was just the gateway to many girls to love.

There was a banging on my door, his door. "BELLA!" I was sobbing too hard to respond, tears just barely started to leak from my eyes. I hated it. I wanted to cry to let it all out and it was as if I just forgot how to. My tears were cold even on my cool skin, almost freezing halfway down my cheek. "BELLA! OPEN THE DOOR RIGHT NOW!"

I knew he would break it down if I weren't leaning against the other side. I didn't know what to do, what to think, or where to go. I couldn't stay here could I? If he didn't want me, if he had moved on, then I should too. Maybe I would do what I was planning to do, go to some vacant island and bask in the sun until my condition caused my death.

The pounding ceased and then his soft voice started in like a lullaby. "I'm not mad at you Bella, please, open the door." I shook my head though he couldn't see. I wasn't coming out until I had a plan. I could hear him growling from the other side of the door. "Bella, I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry, so won't you just let me in."

Could I? Could I let him in? Into my heart? Especially when he seemed so mad to see me alive? I took a shaky breath. Was this going to be how we ended? I'd be without Edward, the Cullens, Charlie, Rene, even Jessica. I'd be by myself, alone.


	9. In The End

Hey babies. I want to thank you all for still reading and commenting back. I wanted to answer a few questions of Xx.poisenedtwilight.xX that could come in handy to all of you.

"my god...didnt he smell her blood? she was still human! i mean carlisle didnt change her...right? or did the venom take control of the hybrid theory thing?"

Answer: The Hybrid theory is a theory Carlisle has that the venom is taking over Bella's blood stream is acting like a parasite on her blood cells. This causes her white blood cells to attack any cell the venom is attacking. It's a fight of the cells basically and there are no survivors. A cycle of venom killing cell, cell killing venom. Edward couldn't smell her blood because the venom is taking over. Her coldness, pale skin, inability to eat anything but raw meet, to cry, or sleep- all key points showing she's now more vampire than human. So smell her blood? Not going to happen- she smells more like the venom. Hear her heart beat? Its still pumping blood, but VERY slow. She has not been completely changed by Carlisle, though this is what Edward thinks when he walks into the house. Also, Breaking.Benajmin, you have to pay attention to the wording. He's not mad because he thinks she is a vampire. Bella's misinterpreting things. That will be explained right about… now.

Oh ps. Thanks L.C.Candle for noticing the third person. I usually write in that style so its hard for me to catch myself.

8. IN THE END

All I know

Time is a valuable thing

Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings

Watch it count down to the end of the day

The clock ticks life away…

Wasted it all just to

Watch you go

Every few hours there would be a knock at my door. First from Edward about every five minutes, begging me I misunderstood. But what was there to misunderstand? He didn't want me alive. I knew that he was reluctant on turning me, but I didn't know he rather see me dead that see me a vampire. The buzz of thoughts whirled in my mind wondering if maybe he didn't love me as much as I thought. Maybe to him I wasn't forever and he was planning eventually to move on. Yet as much as I tried to picture Edward as that type of guy, I couldn't.

The next to start knocking was Alice. She didn't need to say anything for me to know it was her. I could smell her. I could smell everyone. It was thick in my nostrils, intoxicating when Edward was at the door. After a few hours Alice stopped trying to get me to open up, both literally and figuratively.

Last was Esme, a pled that Edward was talking with Carlisle, everything was being sorted out, and I had nothing to worry about; it was obvious Edward still loved me. It hurt when she said that. Was his love growing stronger as Carlisle explained the truth: 'No Edward, I did not change her. She s dying though. So don't worry. Things will go back to normal soon enough." Finally tears stung my eyes and I collapsed.

When I woke up- yes woke up as in I had slept- a soft melody was ringing in my ears. No, he wasn't allowed to play that. Maybe I was still dreaming, but the sleep I had was black, dark, and a nothingness that was consuming me. Ouch, it kind of hurt too.

Avoiding everyone was not the answer, I knew that, but it wasn't what compelled me to walk down the stairs towards the room I had been avoiding for the past few months as my heart and condition worsened. The piano was uncovered, the white sheet throw on the floor and the bight white moon spilling across his face making him light up like some type of angel. There could be no bad in that, could there?

The music paused as I shook my head. "Bella?"

My eyes shot up to meet his worried and light. So he wasn't hungry, probably didn't hear the soft, barely there beat of my heart. Every day Carlisle listened and every day it grew fainter. The venom was winning, but would its victory be the end of my turning? Or the end of my death?

"Don't stop playing," I pleaded with him as I stood in the the doorway. He nodded, attention back on the keys of my song. There was a light twitch of a smile on his lips; he knew my song would call me from my nothingness.

Slow steps brought me to the piano bench causing me to sit down next to him, staring at his beauty. Alice kept telling me I was looking more like a vampire each day, more beautiful, but I didn't feel it. I felt torn and dead.

"I'm not a vampire," I told him softly and Edward nodded, his eyes flicking to me but his fingers still playing.

"I know," he was smiling. Was that a good thing or a bad thing? Did he want me turned or was he willing for my death? "I'm very glad to see you still human. Well, almost human."

I made a face. What did _that_ mean? He soft laugher floated over the music, "maybe I should explain myself." Duh! His laughter didn't seem to cease, a gleaming smile on his face as the music stopped. "If there was anything I learned from these last few months without you Bella, thinking that I would never see you again, was that I love you."

I was still confused. Even though the dazzling comment made me smile. His cool hands took my face and I found lips touching mine, a buzz of electricity making goose bumps stand on my skin. It wasn't even a kiss, just a soft brush of lips so close they bushed mine when he spoke. Month away and his touch was still magnetic, everything my body responded to.

"Bella all I did when I was away was thinking of ways to kill myself." I gasped but he kept going. "It was my fault you were dead. I hit the tree and I didn't get back fast enough to the hospital to turn you. At the car wreak, when I called Carlisle, I demanded him not to change you- I wished to do it myself."

Oh.

He laughed lightly again. "I wasn't angry you're here Bella, I was angry I wasn't the one to change you," he grinned. His eyes were dancing with happiness as understanding came to me. He wanted to change me; he wanted me forever. All this time I had been worrying for nothing. Which meant there was only one thing for me to do: kiss him.

Cool lips and against cool lips, his hands on my cheeks, mine wrapping around his neck and winding into his hair. His own hands moved from just my cheeks, but into my hair, tangling and holding me securely to his lips. I could almost taste him as I pressed my body to his, him only wrapping an arm around me to pull me closer. It was when my mouth opened that he pulled away, rushing to the other side of the room, hands in his hair, and cursing to himself.

Instead of just sitting there, I followed, just as fast in his footsteps, causing him to jump when he opened his eyes to see me standing right in front of him. Apparently he wasn't used to me being as fast as he was.

"Shit Bella. Don't—" Scare him? I laughed, but he shook his head, he was almost shaking. I was shaking too, but for other reasons. That kiss, well, it was amazing, wonderful. It was as if my entire body released new venom that took over. His touches made my skin feel more on fire than they ever had before. Senses really did improve as a vampire.

"Do you know how easy that was for me? I could crush you, I could hurt you, I could kill you _again_," he fretted, but for some reason all I could do was get on my tip toes and kiss him lightly.

"You're not going to break me anymore Edward. I might be human and weak, but I'm stronger than I've ever been. I'm more vampire than human now," I said in a whisper. It was true. I got bear hugs from Emmett and even Jasper was no longer afraid of being in the room with me.

"We might be able to fix that," he grinned as he buried his face in my neck as if he was never gone. Months simply erased with a kiss. And change that? Turn me human once again? Then maybe I could be turned into a vampire once I was healthy again. Carlisle had said that I might not make it if I was to be turned now, but what if we chanced it. I wanted to be with Edward, the rest of my life, and he wanted me there too.

"I love you too," I smiled up at him. His cold lips pressed against my forehead; I could feel his smile. What happened next didn't really matter anymore, as long as I knew in the end I would have Edward by my side no matter what.


End file.
